My position on mornings remains unchanged and I have no interest in leaving my bed

in which I simply complain about needing sleep at all!!!

Lately, I have been having difficulty wanting to sleep. I don't have trouble falling asleep. When I struggle with that, and need to fall asleep, I fantasize about elaborate rescue situations. How would I save myself and my loved ones if I were on a ride at Disney World that was hijacked mid-operation and turned into a horror-franchise-style murder trap? 

And I don't have trouble staying asleep. I purchased a white noise machine/nightlight for $11 online. It came with stickers that allowed me to put a sad, happy, angry, or bashful face on it. I chose happy, but I entertained the idea of my nightlight glaring at me and bullying me into sleep. When the white noise machine is on, I can sleep uninterrupted until Dottie wakes me. The box said it is appropriate for all ages, and "great for nursing."

I have trouble wanting to sleep. There are endlessly better uses of my time than sleeping, but it's more than that. Almost as soon as I've gone to sleep, I'll need to wake up again, and most days, I am waking up in the morning. Morning is the worst and prettiest time of day. When you wake up before 11:30, you will be forced to shoulder the obligation that accumulated against you in the night. Breakfast. Laundry. A job. Basic hygiene. Answering emails. The news. All of this is terrible, but if you wake up after noon – or, grace period, after 11:30 – you are free. You have already wasted the day, which makes it yours. After waking up at noon, the best thing to do is stay in bed for a very long time, lollygagging, doing a few easy tasks from a supine position. When you wake up at a "reasonable hour," the clock starts counting down. You will be forced to do something productive, no matter how bleary and unprepared you feel, because to wake up in the morning and get nothing done is to Waste The Day.

On the other hand, when you wake up after noon, the day is already wasted. If you choose stay in bed, rolling across it to grab your water bottle, rolling back to the other edge where your books and secret snacks live, it is because you slept so late, you have no choice. However, if you wake up at 11:48 and stand up right away, put your feet into your slippers, go down the hall to find a good breakfast, tidy the kitchen while you wait for toast and report immediately to your desk to get things done, you are a hero. You have Salvaged The Day and any small accomplishments will be magnified. On Saturday, I woke up at noon, and then I mopped. Everyone is astounded, including me, but it's true.

No wonder I want to maintain my distance from mornings. They're grave, burdensome things, no matter what position Mary Oliver held. Critics might label my attitude a symptom of some uniquely millennial affliction. I don't think it is, though. Time has been scarce and finite for every generation. Of course I want to guard my precious hours by hiding them in the dark of night. If anyone asked something of me between 8:00 PM and 4:00 AM, I could easily ignore them, or even respond with a reproach, a curt line about my availability after business hours. And if in that same timeframe, I see dishes in the sink or clutter on the table, I'll assume that the mess, too, has strict principles about its rest and leisure, so any disturbance from me would be inconsiderate. I can wait until tomorrow.

When I experience mornings, I'm frequently charmed by them. And I do experience mornings (job). Bright mornings, when the world outside is humming with life and the sun is finishing its early stretch, are the whole point of living. A gray and rainy morning or a clear, brisk, wintry one? Those make me want to chew glass. This is too much of a gamble. It's simply not worth it. I do not want to waste my time waking up early and crossing my fingers, when I could sleep in and stay untroubled. By noon, the weather has either resolved itself into true daytime, or it's already decided to get ready for night's entrance. In winter, when day often doesn't get the chance to begin, morning may surrender itself to night with no in-between. Then, it's really time for goofing off, moving from a warm bed to a cozy chair and staying very still with books until spring. With the exception of Christmas day, neither winters nor mornings provide any consistent enrichment to my life.

I swear that I've tried. My personality seems aligned with the values of a "morning person," but no matter what methods I've used, my heart is just not in it. Bed is too good. Mornings are for suckers and staying up late is cool. Going to bed, and being in bed for hours while you live the life of your thoughts? That's the reason for industrialization! I am not lazy. Well, alright. Actually: my laziness is not a bad thing. I am living out my ancestors' dreams by downloading books from the internet and staying up for hours reading them out loud to my stuffed animals.

While writing this (in the middle of the night) I took a break to check my Facebook notifications, and because it was newly midnight, I navigated to my On This Day page. A memory from 2010 – twelve years ago – was waiting. "I am not a morning person," I had written. "And by 'morning,' I mean anything before 2:30 PM." My position has, apparently, softened over the years, and maybe by 2034, I'll bemoan anything that happens before 8:00. But maybe I will come full circle. Blogs about ambition would have you believe that the true secret to success is waking up at night, well before sunrise, to tackle your to-do list and begin the day with a clean slate ready for creative projects. Maybe I will reach that pinnacle myself someday, and seize the day while it is sleeping, and finally vanquish mornings once and for all.